After days of intense internal conflict and self struggle I finally make up my mind to quit Jap. Nah just kidding. It was kind of decided a long time ago. Since the time when I was in Sec 2 I think I have made up my mind to quit before the Jap O levels. Just that I did not expect myself to quit so soon, even before the preparation of the O levels.
I have been struggling with Jap all along. The decision of studying Jap was made on that fateful day--the day when we go for DSA. There is a selection test for AEP. To go or not to go? I brought my materials with me, but thinking that art is time and energy consuming, and my love for the Japanese language was quite strong at that point, and I only have a choice between the two, and I was secretly afraid that I may not be selected, I chose to forgo the chance. It may have made a profound impact on my life, for if I ever get chosen I will get into a different class, the people whom I know will be very different, I may have a completely different life in NY and even affecting my subject combinations, my results and therefore my class for sec 3 and 4, and all the awesome teachers that I have now (not saying that other teachers are not awesome but hehehe, my teachers are still more awesome).
There starts my journey of Japanese study. In sec 1, I was actually having a head start because I learnt a tiny bit of Jap in primary school for my exchange programme (and it was awesome btw, inspired me to continue the study of the language). However, somehow after a few months I started to lag behind the rest. All the vocabs and stuff are coming in and I guess I did not put in enough effort. In sec 2, I was still considered average (?) as there is a bunch of smart people who are like the gods of Japanese and another bunch of people who are learning for the interest and did not put in a lot of hard work. I was somewhere in between.
As time passed by, more and more of those who learn for fun starts quitting. Some more, I was placed at the second class for Japanese, separated from all my friends. I guess the difference is quit small between my mark and that line for the first class, for my mark is around the same as my other friend who got into that class. As a result, I became the top few of my class and my friend fell to the bottom of her class.
Sec 3 is a horrendous year in terms of school work. Everyone was struggling with their workload and I started to put Jap into the lowest of the homework hierarchy. As a result of that my grades started to drop too, but I didn't really care and insisted to study a few days before the CAs, where #panick mode attack.
In sec 4, all of those who are not seriously studying have more or less quitted. What is left are the gods and, us. Jap lessons became a thing for fun for me. At first I still have a slight gleam of hope that I may somehow miraculously improve in jap if I put in enough hard work. But as you know, language is a thing that need to be consistent, with the level of hard work I've put in, I do not think that I will ever catch up with the rest. In the end, I gave up. Jap lessons became a platform for me to talk and connect with my sec 2 friends. After my friend (the friend that was separated from me in sec 3) expressed her intention to quit too, I made up my mind to quit before the second CA.
The mass pwning during the block test period accelerated this process. I realised that anymore Jap lessons will be a complete waste of time for me. If the seed for thought of quitting starts to germinate, you won't really want to attend any more lessons. Therefore, on Monday 22 April 2013, I brought along my nyaa booklet for sensei to sign, and took a copy of withdrawal form from the GO. We even did a mentos+coke experiment to commemorate the last lesson with a bang, but it failed. Anyway that will be another story. (And the coke with mentos dissolved looks absolutely disgusting, can't believe I actually drank it)
So anyway, I quitted Jap. Still, I appreciated the four years of Jap lesson. Although I did not have a competent grasp of the language, I still managed to learn something. I could appreciate the culture and have a better knowledge of the fabric of the language. I could not have read Japanese newspaper, but I can pick up words and grammar patterns here and there. At least the paper would not be like a congested mess of alien symbols for me. The wonder of learning a language is that you can find meanings between the combinations of symbols, that you once thought could not have carried any significance. I'm glad that I realised that.
Farewell, Jap. I hope that what I have learnt will not have to be returned.