So it happened again. It's 2 am and I'm still typing this. But everything is worth it, I have once again wasted my time on things - some philosophical thought experiments, a game, chilling to music I used to listen, and learning about fallacies on Khan Academy.
This was how my life used to be. Although me doing it now adds no value to my current life whatsoever, I feel happy and fulfilled. So just let me waste this one night.
I always find night the most lovely time of the day. It's during this time that I'm completely undisturbed that I experience complete silence in my environment. It's during this time that my focus and randomness go to max simultaneously. And how fun is that.
But there's this, and there's the reality. Nevertheless I will save those revision packages for another day. Night is when my mind wanders free. I refuse to put a rein over my thoughts.
Just introducing two things in this post. The website that hosts a number of philosophical thought experiments and using them to evaluate the coherence in your thoughts and beliefs is this:
http://www.philosophyexperiments.com/#.VcdnALFkTSw.
A lot of them are on morality because there's where a lot of controversies lie. Honestly I don't give a damn about morality, because having a consistent moral view is really, really difficult. Definitely interesting and thought provoking.
The other thing is the game, a house in California. It's so beautiful Q_Q You hear the tales of grandparents and great grandparents of a little boy, telling him stories of the old days when they catch fireflies and listen to songbirds sing. It's a point and click game that's rather random. The atmosphere portrayed is really nice. If you have time, find a quiet night and play through the game undisturbed. Do not feel frustrated when you can't seem to find the way, just try everything, and you will see the poetic and witty lines put forward by the creator.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/racter/a-house-in-california
So yup, time for me to go and finish the videos on critical thinking.
Monday 10 August 2015
Oh lovely lovely night
Sunday 9 August 2015
I am such a shallow person
I don't imagine. I don't read books. I don't write meaningful things as often. I don't taste music when I listen. I don't question. I am no longer curious.
I don't think of big existential questions anymore. I don't go sleepless at night, allowing my mind to wander. I don't make up stories to amuse myself. I don't search for videos explaining the wonders of the universe or things like that.
All of these things, in which I was crazily obsessed with some time in my life, have disappeared.
All I do now is slipping into hedonistic pleasures such as games, or things that occupy my time by allowing my neurons to fire randomly. Meaningless stimuli just like instant noodle to an empty stomach.
And while doing these, I also occupy myself with worries about my future, exams, things to do the next day, plans that I will never accomplish.
Man, while typing these I'm deeply despising myself for becoming such a shallow person. What happened? What happened to me? Since when have those preoccupations sneakily slipped away?
My soul is unfulfilled, so I fill it with rubbish instead. This, is how people become unhappy.
I don't know, now that I stop occupying my mind with big and important questions, I appear to fit better into my social environment. But at the same time I feel I have lost a part of me that's important. Honestly, I just wish I can make a few best friends that I can talk to on almost anything, and spend the rest of my time in solitude. Shall I go back to my old days? But at the same time, another part of me is preventing me to do this, the part of me that is afraid of being judged and disliked.
It's a trap, once you established a certain impression in the people around you, there's no going back. (taking mental note of this for uni)
Also, my communication. A lack of attention in developing my language abilities has painful implications. My thoughts are like polar molecules trying to cross the blood brain barrier :/ How I wish I can communicate with style and elegance, ah
Back to the topic. Is it a normal process of growing up? Do I have to do something about it? Ok I definitely has to do something about it. I don't like the way I am now. Or maybe I was never deep in the first place. I'm just a pretentious person, isolating myself from the rest with a book I don't understand, bothering myself with existential issues because I have nothing better to do, because I don't see the point in what other people are preoccupied in because I don't see the point in everything.
Maybe I was just bored.
So when I can't afford to be bored, I can't afford to be deep.
Because I busy, you see. I have external goals that I feel pressured to achieve, so I have to do crap stuff.
But when I fill myself up with rubbish, I feel bored again.
Therefore the cycle repeats, I need to find something deep.
Maybe that's why I'm writing this entry, maybe.
Also, I'm feeling very lonely. When I stop thinking about meaningful things, I'm actually less lonely because I don't demand anything from companionship.
But now once I think that it's about time to think of them again, I differentiate myself from the rest. The bar is suddenly raised for my standard of quality friendship. And so I'm lonely again.
Yeah perhaps I really have nothing better to do.
But the urge to revert to a more meaningful life is real.
I'M SO BORED, I WANT TO FILL MY MIND WITH QUALITY SOUL FOOD. I DON'T I DON'T WANT TO BEAR WITH TERRIBLE JOKES AND SMALL TALK. I WANT TO CREATE, I WANT TO THINK, I WANT TO IMAGINE. I WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON, THE PERSON I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BECOME. I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY TIME ON THE THINGS I DISLIKE ANYMORE, AND I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY TIME TO FULFILL ANY OF OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS.
But I will lose friends, I will be lonely, and I may become insane.
And maybe I won't even be able to achieve it. Maybe hedonism is in my nature, I will never change it. I'm just deluding myself, being a pretentious fag. How depressing.
I don't think of big existential questions anymore. I don't go sleepless at night, allowing my mind to wander. I don't make up stories to amuse myself. I don't search for videos explaining the wonders of the universe or things like that.
All of these things, in which I was crazily obsessed with some time in my life, have disappeared.
All I do now is slipping into hedonistic pleasures such as games, or things that occupy my time by allowing my neurons to fire randomly. Meaningless stimuli just like instant noodle to an empty stomach.
And while doing these, I also occupy myself with worries about my future, exams, things to do the next day, plans that I will never accomplish.
Man, while typing these I'm deeply despising myself for becoming such a shallow person. What happened? What happened to me? Since when have those preoccupations sneakily slipped away?
My soul is unfulfilled, so I fill it with rubbish instead. This, is how people become unhappy.
I don't know, now that I stop occupying my mind with big and important questions, I appear to fit better into my social environment. But at the same time I feel I have lost a part of me that's important. Honestly, I just wish I can make a few best friends that I can talk to on almost anything, and spend the rest of my time in solitude. Shall I go back to my old days? But at the same time, another part of me is preventing me to do this, the part of me that is afraid of being judged and disliked.
It's a trap, once you established a certain impression in the people around you, there's no going back. (taking mental note of this for uni)
Also, my communication. A lack of attention in developing my language abilities has painful implications. My thoughts are like polar molecules trying to cross the blood brain barrier :/ How I wish I can communicate with style and elegance, ah
Back to the topic. Is it a normal process of growing up? Do I have to do something about it? Ok I definitely has to do something about it. I don't like the way I am now. Or maybe I was never deep in the first place. I'm just a pretentious person, isolating myself from the rest with a book I don't understand, bothering myself with existential issues because I have nothing better to do, because I don't see the point in what other people are preoccupied in because I don't see the point in everything.
Maybe I was just bored.
So when I can't afford to be bored, I can't afford to be deep.
Because I busy, you see. I have external goals that I feel pressured to achieve, so I have to do crap stuff.
But when I fill myself up with rubbish, I feel bored again.
Therefore the cycle repeats, I need to find something deep.
Maybe that's why I'm writing this entry, maybe.
Also, I'm feeling very lonely. When I stop thinking about meaningful things, I'm actually less lonely because I don't demand anything from companionship.
But now once I think that it's about time to think of them again, I differentiate myself from the rest. The bar is suddenly raised for my standard of quality friendship. And so I'm lonely again.
Yeah perhaps I really have nothing better to do.
But the urge to revert to a more meaningful life is real.
I'M SO BORED, I WANT TO FILL MY MIND WITH QUALITY SOUL FOOD. I DON'T I DON'T WANT TO BEAR WITH TERRIBLE JOKES AND SMALL TALK. I WANT TO CREATE, I WANT TO THINK, I WANT TO IMAGINE. I WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON, THE PERSON I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO BECOME. I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY TIME ON THE THINGS I DISLIKE ANYMORE, AND I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY TIME TO FULFILL ANY OF OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS.
But I will lose friends, I will be lonely, and I may become insane.
And maybe I won't even be able to achieve it. Maybe hedonism is in my nature, I will never change it. I'm just deluding myself, being a pretentious fag. How depressing.
Sunday 2 August 2015
:the game:
Stumbled upon this game a few years ago and played it again. Satire overkill. Would recommend 10/10. Some of the jokes may be a bit old though since the games came out rather early.
What? The creator is 13 when he made the first game? Howwhatwhy?!?!?
Warning: intelligent satire ahead.
What? The creator is 13 when he made the first game? Howwhatwhy?!?!?
Warning: intelligent satire ahead.
original :the game:
REPLAYING :the game:
reimagine :the game:
Oh, and I created a custom level on replaying :the game:. Feel free to play it! Just load the following code:
&noci0x1e52c7nl0nl0nl0nl100%dnenoci&drowLE"NKHGilynpfykvjg"qz{oqtqpilynpfykYJGTG"MPQYNGFIGilynpfykEQOGU"CNKXGilynpfykilynpfykqt"uq"yg"vjqwijv%dnedrow&rahc46nl51nl114nl79nl39%dnerahc&ofnicpqp{oqwuilynpfykpq"eqoogpv0%dneofni
Am I ever going to finish the salad finger analysis? *groan*
Hmm talking about :the game:, I just lost The Game.
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