Unexpected

I really didn't expect this to happen to me.

When I received the letter this morning, it was as though I'm receiving a letter from Hogwarts.

I made it to smtp :D

I totally didn't expect it, because firstly I'm not aware of this direct admission route, or I thought it will be for the really selected few. Given that I didn't do very well for my EOY, I didn't think that I will be considered at all.

Maybe my teachers helped me, I really don't know. Teachers, if you helped me, I really really thank you ^^ Of course I must also thank all my teachers, from sec 1 till now, who have nurtured me to be the person I am today.

I'm not letting go of this opportunity. But taking smtp means that the contrasting subject is limited to econ, KI or geog.

I really want to take KI, but after seeing the course requirement I start to feel less confident, worrying about whether my current standard of the English language will put me into a large disadvantage, and whether I will like what we will learn in KI in the first place.

Also, I see in some of the blogs and comments that KI requires active exchange of ideas in the class, which is not suitable for quiet people like me.

If I truly like what we will be studying, I believe these are not problems. But the problem is the uncertainty.

And seeing the content for human geog, I feel like hanging on a rope. Human geog is IH all over again, which is just...sigh. No.

Econ? No way.

Gah why are there so little choice of contrasting subjects. What shall I choose?

Leaving that aside, I'm greatly looking forward to JC life. Okay I know it will be tough, but I think it will be interesting. We get to learn a lot new things and the curriculum is more flexible too (but more deadly). I will be also able to join an awesome CCA. Most importantly, I can finally find, hopefully, people who will not leave me that look and slowly walk away when I start to talk about all those wonderful theories...

Seeing how some people are already competitive in NY and how the JC environment is worse, here is a note to my future self to ensure that I will not be caught up in this mad rat race and lost my way:

Trust yourself, trust you heart. If you think you will love something, go ahead and try it. Let your passion leads you, it will never be wrong. Never try to compete against others, not only will you have a lowered self morale, this comparison will never end. Instead, look up to people and learn from them. If there is something which you don't understand, ask. You can be shy about anything but clarification. Meeting strangers may be intimidating, but note that they will be your classmates and teacher for two years. Just act spontaneous and be your weird self, instead of being tensed up and losing you unique identity. Be kind, but don't be conventional. People will appreciate your personality someday.

Stay humble. It is likely that you will see guys there boasting much and looking very intelligent. Don't feel depressed. It is normal. Instead of feeling bad about yourself, why not learn from them, internalise it and strive to reach the same height? This is not competition but a motivation. Any improvement is something worth happy for. 

Also, don't be too caught up in the disease known as mugging. Try not to mug for exams but study and learn in the process. Revision is revision, not studying all over again. To avoid the pain of mugging, eradicate all your question marks along the studying process. Doing homework is less important than understanding. If you feel your understanding is not quite there, ask, practice, and learn from mistakes.

Remember, A level is not the end, although teachers insist it is. You have a long life after A level. Just as how you may not waste 6 years preparing for PSLE and 4 years preparing for O levels (no O levels for us though), you should not base your life on exams. No, that is just so sad. There are much more in life, much much more, though you probably shouldn't waste time on computer games and facebook anymore.

So, enjoy JC life, don't get tensed up, manage your work well, sleep and eat when you need to. Don't fall sick, don't play comp games (quit minecraft, just do it), be friendly, act spontaneous (to avoid awkwardness), be adventurous and have fun.

Hopefully my future self can refer to this when I feel lost.