Then I was woken up by my mom's loud voice that originated from the living room which vaguely meant something like my dad should wake me up or she's going to keep the dinner. And so grudgingly I got off my bed, washed my face and ate my dinner, then I finished reading the last few pages of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy under the constant nagging by mom which said I should clean the dinner table and sweep the floor. So I cleaned the table and claimed that the floor is perfectly clean and got away. And now I have nothing to do.
So I looked at my table in its disastrous state and decided that I should continue (from where I left off at the start of holiday) organising my room given that JC is starting soon yet it is so cluttered with things rendering some parts of the room dysfunctional or unaccessible. As I get my hands on some of my sec 2 things memory gushed at me and I nearly drowned. Again my brain start to analyse the fact that I've graduated without realising how I've mostly spent my past 4 years. All I can find are some fragments, though mostly happy ones.
It is at moments like this that I start to doubt the meaning of my existence and that of life itself. Sometimes I try to find some meaning in my life but the search is futile. And I think of how I waste my life away sometimes and I feel sad, and when I try to find something meaningful to do I can find none, I feel sadder. And I will ponder on the very meaning of time, whether it is a delusion, a dimension or just something to make people feel sad.
I'm sure everyone has moments when everything seems meaningless. Really, everything. To try to prove that I indeed feel this way I'm doing a google search on "most meaningful things to do". Ah this came out: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/10-ways-to-live-a-more-meaningful-life.html
So vague. Mostly it's about helping people and make the world a better place. But when I think about it, the human race is going to die off someday. So what if you do something good or something bad? Generations after generations, time after time, who is going to remember you? And so what if you are remembered? You are dead anyway. So what if human is constantly progressing, so what if we have advance technology, sophisticated works of art and in overall a flourished civilisation. We are going to die someday. Even if we don't kill ourselves and nature doesn't kill us, the sun is going to expand, the universe gets cold and we are all going to die. That's the hard truth, everyone dies.
I don't know why I'm feeling so pessimistic now. Usually I'm not like this.
Oh well, nothing is going to win against time. Time is such a ruthless beast. When I look up the night sky and see infinity stretching in front of my eyes, I feel my insignificance and the insignificance in the things we do, and the stupidity of them all. (Btw I can't see a single star in the sky, how sad)
From The Hitchhiker's guide:
"You know," said Arthur thoughtfully, "all this explains a lot of things. All through my life I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was."
"No," said the old man, "that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that."
"Everyone?" said Arthur. "Well, if everyone has that perhaps it means something! Perhaps somewhere outside the Universe we know..."
"Maybe. Who cares?" said Slartibartfast before Arthur got too excited. "Perhaps I'm old and tired," he continued, "but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied.
Douglas Adams is a genius.
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