Imagination

With some recent introspection I realised that I am gradually losing my imagination.

It used to be so easy, put me in any environment and not long after a while I will start to fantasize about all sorts of things and form weird theories by myself. Those interesting imageries and thoughts used to be the essence of my life, without me realising it.

Now, they don't come and visit me anymore. When my mind goes blank, it really goes blank, not processing anything. No more interesting things going on inside.

Or, I'll just be dwelling on past memories and melodies. Which may be interesting but never more interesting than all those weird things I used to create.

And the sad things is, I can't even remember what I used to imagine anymore. I can only vaguely recall that it's an exciting inner world where no one knows. It's my own secret garden. It's my relief to my external world, and it's filled with beautiful things. Then an amusing thought (which usually consists of a possible string of events that will never occur flashing by in a split of a second) pops up and I cannot help but to let out a smile.

Now, I'm just becoming a dull and boring person. I am becoming an adult whom I once was so baffled about regarding their preoccupation with trivial and boring stuff.

Boring, boring, boring.

I'm becoming ordinary. I am losing my identity. I become a person who can tackle all troubles life and society throw me, but losing originality, losing the "灵气" that I was born with.

I will become a person that read newspaper and settle bills, a person doing mundane things everyday, and worse, things I don't like just to fend my living D:

I will waste my life away, wasting it on TVs, checking phone replies, social media, useless small talks, and other useless crap.

Then I'll lose my direction, I will constantly ask myself what's the meaning of life because I'm living a life that I find not meaningful, then continue wasting it away by bothering myself with that question.

Children do not have to bother about whether life is meaningful. They just indulge in every moment of it, and they do not question themselves if time is worth spent. They do not value time like money. Yet they are very happy, although in an adult's eye spending 3 hours playing with trains is a complete waste of time.

Can I just be selfish, I don't live to contribute to society, I live for myself.

I want to simplify everything, restoring my child at heart, restoring my imagination and pure joy that stems from nothing. The world is such a fun place if you view it from another perspective.