Meep

Hihi it has been so long since my last post. Too busy since J2 started and today is HBL day so I can finally take a break. Actually not really given that it's 4am now what have I been doing with my life. Anyway,I don't actually know what to do with this post. Maybe, some music first?

And the cantonese version because this one carries more emotion, and there's lyrics.

Actually knew of the song sometime in January. Now the obsession has cooled down, still like it though, the lag oh well.

Now I feel like I'm entering a world of increasing complexity, especially my social environment. It has come to the point where certain things I know about have exceeded my level of understanding. I feel like there are a lot of things going under the surface around me but people refuse to tell me anything about it even though they may know somethings about it, and I just feel like I'm left in the dark. Everyone has a half understanding of things and then postulate and judge, and other people will then have half understanding of their judgements, and these other people will carry on postulating and judging based on their half understanding of the postulations and judgements. Cycle repeats. Some base their judgements completely on intuition, some worries about things that they have half understanding about and others assume things, with their dark thoughts as lenses, filtering the world into a dark reality. Sometimes, I wonder if those people who claim that they understand or know actually know anything at all, or if they are just blinded by their own judgements. If people judge less and be more open, I think my social environment will be a lot less complicated and I won't have a headache now.

I feel very old now. I feel as though I will be thrown into the adult world at any moment. When I was a kid, the adult world is dull and boring. It is about watching the news, stock market, formalities, a bunch of trivial and uncomfortable rules, grey buildings and excessive worrying about the weather. Therefore, since a kid I formed a natural distaste for things like economics and politics, because they are the things that adults do and what makes them so boring. Now I don't feel much different than my younger self, except with deeper understanding of the uncomfortable rules and human nature. Now the thought that I'm going to become one of them make me feel very depressed. I really don't get people's obsession with statistics and news. Sigh sorry I side tracked a bit. Anyway my main point is that I have no idea how to handle this increasingly complex social world. Shall I be ignorant or pretend to be? Will I take an arrow in the knee when I shut myself in the dark? If ignorance is bliss, I would rather live in my own world. Trying to know and understand everything is exhausting.